I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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