# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
