there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
