Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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