Heybabeimwearingurpanties
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
