I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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