My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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