i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
