He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Randomize
