he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
