I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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