Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
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