OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
