Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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