It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
