Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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