she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
