My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
