I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
