i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize