Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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