I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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