Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize