this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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