I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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