Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
false alarm, still single
Randomize
