Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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