Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
