So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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