Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
