i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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