Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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