Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
