Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
My balls are so social today.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
