fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
