Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
