when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
