today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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