I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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