when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
