Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
