My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
