Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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