Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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