Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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