Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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