There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
