Barsexuality is the new black.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Drunk walkin through police station. America
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize