Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
