chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize