Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
