If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Randomize
