Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
