Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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