You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
