Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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