there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
