Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
