I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
