I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Found the puke drawer
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
