i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
