And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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