I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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