just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
