Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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