I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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