If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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