i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
