he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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