Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
